with her permission here’s Grace’s story,
Your heartbreak can begin in the blink of an eye, just as it did for Grace. Right now though, it is recollection time, as she seeks an answer to Why? Be with Her as she rides in the ambulance, sitting in the back and neither seeing the blue flashing light nor hearing a siren. Just the thump-thump, loud thumping in her heart heavy with anxiety. She has a focus on the back of her daughter’s head in the seat in front. Nothing else is in view as Grace sways around the corners, reluctantly strapped in, which in this moment prevents the overwhelming desire to run.
The nightmare flashes across her eyes, wide and staring, so full of fear and confusion. Grace is breathlessly fighting, not wanting to keep them open a second longer and longing for exhausted sleep but fearful of what life would hold when she woke.
Simply being in this ambulance now brought tears to her eyes, remembering the sound of the sirens as they grew louder and closer then faded away before finding their way back to the place where she waited. It was a hell she was in, her heart thumping and pulsing in every nerve and organ, her doing CPR and rescue breaths, pleading for help that no one could hear, except the faceless stranger on the phone at the ambulance control centre.
At this very moment, riding the ambulance, she recalled exactly when her heart broke. Not shattered as she thought it would be, but simply being ripped from her as though some external evil force was at work on her being. Tearing and squeezing, twisting, squashing, battering and pummelling her heart, without care or concern.
The lack of motion brought Grace to reality with a jump. She starred at the back of her hands, and twisted the ring on her finger. It felt wrong, it was on the wrong hand. She had no recollection of moving it. Lifting her head and catching the thoughtful, kindly gaze of the lady paramedic, she flashed Grace an almost invisible smile and curt nod as she turned to speak with the driver reversing into the parking space which ended this journey.
It has taken a lot of years for Grace to begin to unravel the mystery of this kindness. With tears of gratitude trickling down her face she told me that the events in the ambulance had lingered as a mystery, an uncertainty, the wondering that something unusual had actually happened? She remembers vividly how suddenly the wedding band was on its rightful finger, and she turned it with a sense of being observed. She believes that perhaps the thoughtful paramedic witnessing her distress, may have switched it as she slept. It was just the kind jolt she needed to find some reality and grounding in the midst of this crazy experience where nothing felt real.
Even now, today, she sometimes switches ring fingers or puts the wrong shoe on first. It has been amazingly effective for staying in the moment, mindful and aware of her surroundings. Eventually it has become a piece of the jigsaw which found the right place in her mind and the puzzle of life. Whether you believe it is real or not, that’s Grace’s story and her explanation.
On that day, the room she was escorted into felt as though someone had half-tried to make a clinical waiting room feel comfortable! There was a large blue chair which was neither hard nor soft, It all reminded her of Goldilocks and the three bears as she glanced around the room. This narrow, rectangular room with one end cut off to an angular point. In her exhaustion she wondered if it was wide enough to lie down? And decided there was not enough space to accommodate even a slender five feet eight inches. Even now she says the days that followed were surreal.
Grace was invited to stay in a room with a locked door, a bathroom without taps, only push buttons and a toilet without its seat. Blood tests, scans, questions, restraint, drugs and the slow movement of other frightened faces. Days later as the fear subsided and the haze began to lift, she was eventually able to engage in conversation, to hear and share the journey of others. There was only one small piece of sanctuary, an outside space where she could feel the sun on her face and breathe in the fresh cool air. When she wasn’t sleeping, she’d be reading her Bible or writing her journal, trying to make sense of the surging conflicting emotions of anger, loss, betrayal, love and overwhelming sadness that they say brought her here. Visits from her mother and her children brought with them a sense of light and hope, although she wonders how long it took for them to share that hope that things may every return to normal? Grace says that those weeks were quite like living the lockdown with Covid 19. At first it feels like house arrest, until you can eventually reframe those thoughts to a better reality. It’s only in hindsight she can say “I was safe there.”
She muses, as she shares, “events like these never leave us as we were. They leave a scar. But the scar heals, it just reminds us that we’ve been on a journey. And that we’re still standing.”
Bereavement, financial fraud, and emotional abuse were some of the things Grace knew catapulted her without dignity or hesitation into her journey with mental health. Yet nobody ever really asked her why she was as she was and why she was there? Even though, it was plain that they really did want to mend her problems.
She recalled life as a kid going on a family adventure. Moving home from UK to live overseas and how it was a happy but also sad time. The joy of a new school with International kids, living in the sunshine, island holidays in luxury she’d never imagined. But to experience something new, she had to let go of the old. The old was family, friends, the place she called home and everything familiar.
Right now as we sat chatting, together we smiled and nodded to the realisation. That is Grief. It is a change in, or the end of a familiar lifestyle and the pattern of behaviour!
Grace left my home heading for a visit she treasured, with her beloved ageing Mum, she looked over her shoulder and told me “it is the hardest times in my life that have taught me the most. They made me search out the ways to recover and feel better when nothing else worked. She added – I will be eternally grateful for finding The Grief Recovery Method (TGRM) because there was no way I was going to live my life stuck in that sea of painful emotions! What you have shown me has transformed my life.
We have moved on through a bit of time, yet today I still clearly hear her sweetly, just quietly yet so joyfully singing those words “it’ll be alright.” And do you know, I believe her and she truly has become the successful high achieving young business woman who has found her way to a lasting recovery.
even the smallest part of Grace’s story resonates with you she hopes and prays you’ll have the courage to reach-out, because life doesn’t always have to be that way. I use those pretty awesome recovery tools that transformed Graces life and they can transform your life too. If you’re ready to live a life of hope and healing, I’ll hold your hand and walk with you on your journey through your tears and tantrums to triumph. Bring your courage, an open mind and an honest heart. We never will judge you nor compare losses because everyone is on a journey that is unique. So when are you ready to put down your pain, anger, bitterness, sadness, injustice or disappointments, I am here to help you be determined to find joy on a path leading to lasting recovery.
Because no matter whether you believe it or not at this moment, you are worth it.
Push the button below,(activate contact form . Finger picture) be brave. Look at the offer and when you have checked it through then tell me some details so I can call you back. I am here ready to walk with you on your journey from Heartbroken to Healed. It was Grace’s journey and tool kit that led me to start Heartbroken to Healed, a Community Interest Company, with its neat interactive action programme that’s taught internationally and has been proven to work. TGRM.
My invitation is to Come Along and learn how to use it. You’ll be GLaD you did.
Here’s some stories,(hyperlink) including my own, of people who have done just that . . .
“Grievers don’t lack courage, they lack tools” says Ed Owens, International trainer.